What Happens in Vegas
by flowerpower71
Summary: While preparing for their boating trip, Ford discovers a surprising secret about Stan and ultimately, himself. Mostly crack. Contains brotherly teasing and a slight mention of Stan being drunk.
**Gravity Falls Belongs to Alex Hirsch**

 **Enjoy~!**

* * *

It was a slightly chilly but mostly sunny mid September day in Gravity Falls. Weirdmaggedon had ended and the evil mind demon, Bill Cipher, was finally gone for good. With things in the town back to normal, (Well as normal as normal can be in Gravity Falls) Dipper and Mabel back home in California, and literally nothing left to stand in their way, Stanley and Stanford Pines had at long last the opportunity to live out their childhood dream of sailing the world.

After obtaining a boat adnd stocking up on boating gear, all that was left to do was to clean and sort out their belongings in the Mystery Shack. Whatever they couldn't take with them, they would sell. Once that was done, Soos and his grandmother would move in and Soos would take over running the Shack.

But, like with most clearing out jobs, it sounds good in theory but you usually end up regretful when your elbow deep in belongings you had forgotten you even owned.

"Holy Moses Sixer! Who knew you were such a hoarder!" Stanley complained as he stared down at the mess of belongings he and his brother had collected over the years.

"Actually," Stanford began as he sat on the floor, sorting through his books, putting them in boxes labeled "For Sale" and "To Keep." "Technically speaking you've lived here longer than me, so most of this is your junk."

Stan grunted in response and dragged out a box which was filled with books, old papers with notes and complicated math formulas scribbled on them, and beakers. Some of which contained brightly colored and slightly glowing liquids.

"This is not my junk!" the younger twin said pointing an accusatory finger at the box of science.

"I said, _MOST_ of it is yours." Stanford repeated, tossing a book in the "To Keep" box. "And it's not junk. It's science!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Stanley waved his hand dismissively and retreated back into the closet to finish cleaning it out.

Stanford meanwhile returned to his book sorting. He grabbed one book in each hand and looked between them, trying to decide which one to part ways with and which one to keep. Out of the corner of his vision, he noticed movement from the closet and watched as Stan reached up to grab a box off of the shelf in the closet. "Wait Stanley! Don't pull from the-!"

But his warning came to late and Stan let out a scream as he pulled the box, thus causing an avalanche and he was buried alive in a small mountain of books, papers, old clothes, and glitter left over from Mabel. (How the glitter ended up in the closet, they would never know.)

"Bottom..." Ford finished unneccesarily. He dropped his books and quickly got to his feet, hurrying over to rescue his twin from the junk mountain. "Stanley! Stanley are you alright? Speak to me!" he commanded, shoving the things aside. A hand shot out from the top of the pile and Stanford grabbed it, pulling his twin out.

"Now you tell me" Stan grumbled once his head was above the mess.

Stanford chuckled. "Come on. Lets get this sorted out."

So that's what they did. Stan cleaning up the glitter and Ford sorting out the various papers. However, one slightly colorful piece of paper caught his attention.

"What's this?" Ford asked himself as he grabbed the piece of paper. It had gold lining around the edges and the paper itself was a pale purple. At the very top of the page written in fancy, capital, swirly gold lettering was three words.

Certificate of Marriage.

Marriage?

Ford blinked several times and shook off the shock as he continued to read the rest of the paper.

 _This is to certify that Stanford Pines and Goldie have united in marriage on the day of July 7th 2012, at the Las Vegas Nevada Happily Ever After chapel and casino._

"... ** _STANLEEEEEEEYYYYYYYY!"_**

The scream was so loud and so sudden that Stanley ended up jumping, dropping the dustpan of glitter he had just cleaned up, sending the pink sparkles all over his shoes and the floor. "What?! What's the matter?!"

Ford whirled around, his brown eyes blazing with a firey fury that Stan had only seen a small handful of times before. He knew that look and he knew that he was in trouble.

"What the heck is this Stanley!?" Stanford demanded shoving the paper in his twins face. "Explain yourself!"

Stan blinked grabbing the paper and reading it over. "Oh! I remember this! Yeah, I forgot to tell ya, I got married in Vegas earlier this summer."

"How could you forget to tell me something like that?!" Ford exploded. "And who is Goldie?!"

"Sheesh, take it down a notch will ya Sixer? Don't have a heart attack." Stan scolded, shoving the paper back into Ford's hands. "And I'll introduce you."

Stanford huffed, crossing his arms as he watched his brother leave the room. A few moments passed in silence until said silence was broken by the sound of Stan grunting and huffing, followed by a thud.

"Stanley?" Ford asked as he exited the room and turned the corner. He jumped back and let out a yelp of surprise. In front of him was a hideous, terrifying looking bronze statue of a minor, digging for gold. The minor's mouth open wide in in what can only be described as, as if he were letting out the most terrifying high pitched laugh that could only come from the depths of hell itself.

"Great Cesars Ghost! What is that thing?!" Ford exclaimed, not able to tear his eyes away from the statue.

Stan on the other hand just grinned and placed an arm around the statue's shoulders like it was an old friend. "This here, Sixer, is Goldie. Me and him go way back."

"Him and I."

Stan deadpanned.

"Grammar, Stanley."

"Him and I, go way back. Is that better?"

"Much, thank you." Ford nodded in approval. But then a thought dawned on him. "Wait, _that's_ Goldie?! The same Goldie on the marriage certificate?!"

"Yeeeeaaaaah..." Stan drawled up scratching the back of his neck. "Long story short, went to Vegas and got hitched at one of the chapels."

The room fell into silence for several moments. Ford taking that time to digest the information. "Stanley, don't take this the wrong way but exactly how drunk were you that night?"

"I was pretty wasted. Im not gonna lie." Stan admitted, his expression straight.

Despite himself Ford couldn't help but laugh a little bit. "Well, if its legal to marry a woodpecker I guess statues are no different."

"Exactly!" Stan chuckled but then suddenly stopped, his eyes growing wide.

"What is it?" Ford asked, noticing his twins expression.

Stan didn't answer right away but the wide grin that appeared on his face was enough to give Ford a bad feeling in his stomach. "Say, this happened before you came back."

"Yeah, and?" Ford asked quirking an eyebrow.

"Take a closer look at the certificate PoinDexter."

Ford lifted the paper up to his face and read the wording out loud. "This is to certify that Stanford Pines..."

Oh.

My.

Gawd.

"I hate you."

But the words fell on deaf ears as Stan could no longer hold back and busted out laughing. "Looks like you're the one who actually married Goldie then!"

"No way! Nuh uh!" Ford exclaimed shaking his head.

Stan just laughed harder and picked up the statue and held it out to Ford. "C'mon Sixer~ Kiss your bride!"

"Keep that thing away from me!"

"So where will you go on your honeymoon? I hear Fiji's nice this time of year!"

"Knock it off knucklehead!"

"Alright alright." Stan chuckled, moving the statue out of his brothers face. He grinned. "So, should I be expecting any more nieces and nephews in the future?"

"SHUT UP STANLEY!"


End file.
